Having You
by Shesbeenlying
Summary: She broke down. And I broke down. Cause I was tired of lying.


_Having You_

Summary: Shebroke down. and I broke down, cause i was tired of lying.

Rating: R for language, and sexual content.

Disclaimer: Yes. No. Maybe So?

A little note from me: This is the end to what I guess became kind of a 3 part story. All in my Degrassi AU. It's the ending of it all after True, Blue, and now Having You. Except unlike the others, this one will not be a one chapter story. I'm predicting around 4-5 chapters. Reviews are _always_ apperciated. Especially with this one. And as you can guess the summary was borrowed from one of my absoulte favorite song and the complete inspiration of this story. Ben Folds Five's _Brick_.

I haven't really talked to her in a month really. She's just too unaware. Too unreachable to even grip anymore. Still, the last time I saw her in our apartment when I went to get my stuff she gave me the most desperate look. She looked at me with these new eyes, and I knew too that she hadn't really meant to do anything. She just looked so confused and I felt kinda like an asshole as I kept being stubborn and grabbed my stuff. Yeah, I let her have the apartment and for a while so she could figure things out. I didn't know if maybe she'd go beg her parents to move back in, or something. I really didn't know anything anymore. I mean she was all I really had. And I know I was all she really had.

Without each other we were more alone than with each other, if that was even possible. At least for now. So on that Saturday in March when I turned the key and drove the 12 ice and brown slush filled blocks to our apartment I didn't really know what to expect. I just figured maybe she would just let me grab my stuff and take it back to the Budget Inn. I worked there anyways, sometimes, every other weekend. So when I asked my manager Kenny if I could crash there for a while he snorted and told me he'd give me 10 off rent. Which was fine, for now. Everything was for now these days.

My life was all within temporaries, and without Manny I didn't really have anything left here to hold me back. To tie me back in to what was supposed to be my home. I was completely on my own. She didn't really even say anything when I walked upstairs. She was sitting on the couch hugging her knees with some bad '80s movie in the background. It was freezing and she had my huge Toronto Maple Leaves sweatshirt on. She kind of glanced up at me like she was expecting me, like even though I hadn't been home for four days it was like I had been gone for only an hour and I was just coming home from getting groceries or something. But I guess that would be an unrealistic scenario since we rarely ever got groceries and just survived on fast food and ramen noodles. She didn't even really say hi, just gave me a faint recognition then went back to plastering herself into the world of Julia Roberts and her poofy haired friends making pizzas.

I just wondered into the bedroom. Everything almost exactly how it was since the 4 days ago. Just more of her stuff-spilling out from all over than usual. I thought about taking all of my stuff with me. Just stuffing it all into my dark green duffle bag and heading out the door. But then it hit me, that seemed so easy, but so unrealistic. I knew too well I couldn't just leave her for good. Although every outer part of me seemed like I was ready to give it all up, every little fiber was still hanging on. Semi-subconsciously. Semi-subconsciously to the warm feeling her small hands would take on and the way she felt next to me on nights where I didn't think anything would make me feel better. That is until she'd lay with me saying nothing in the dark. Just letting our demons fight their own battles in our heads as we laid together waiting for absolution in the dark. I couldn't really let that all be gone completely as I stuffed my bag and stood with the duffle bag's content in the doorway watching her.

Her knees tucked up and her eyes still fixed. She was trying so hard not to look at me. I knew the familiar look she'd give but this time, it was even harder. She looked so ridiculous trying to block me out. I knew her well enough to know it was taking her every single part of her not to look at me right now. Not to scream and yell and touch me all at the same time. Or maybe I was just flattering myself. Maybe she really had managed to block everything out this time. I crossed the kitchen behind her and set my bag on the tile floor.

I really had meant to say something that at least made sense. Something a little bit meaningful but it came out "I had to throw your stuff off the bed to get mine, but uhh..i tried to put it all back. So…" Then it was silent. Well not completely quiet. Just the sound from the TV jabbing at me in the background. Then I took one last look at her. Or tried to at least. She wouldn't look at me. She just continued staring, and I felt like something had stabbed me as I looked back at the ground. I walked out of there. Like I always did. Away from all my problems.

So I guess you could say I was completely surprised to hear her my phone ring as I sat on the plastic covered bed nearly a month later eating my dinner of Cheetos, and a bottle of fizzy coke which had spilled on the ground as I opened it when I walked in the door. All of this courtesy of the vending machine at the Budget Inn. The unfamiliar ringing sound had never even happened my whole time staying there. No one ever called me. So as I picked it up in unsureness I was even more surprised to hear her breathing heavily on the other end. It sounded like she had been crying, and I was just hearing the after affects. She didn't say anything at all. I didn't really have to guess, I knew it was her.

"Manny? Manny…" I coaxed into the phone a little bit. Part of me wishing I could protect her from whatever it was that was troubling her. Part of me for kicking myself for not being with her in this moment, and part of me remembering she was completely impossible.

She made a half sob, half cough as she spit something into the other end.

"I'm pregnant, Sean."

I kind of sat there for a second. I mean, once someone hears something like that that's all you can really do. Is sit there and act like an idiot. Then I thought of the only thing that made sense.

"I'll be right there."


End file.
